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Products That Fail
Products that shouldn't exist but do and piss me off.
Products That Fail - 08.15.08
Shamrock Farms Chocolate Milk

If you don't like chocolate milk then I could never be friends with you because you're probably Russian or something and Russians are just weird. Yes, I drink chocolate milk, and no, I am not ten-years-old. I just love the stuff, so lay off of me or I'll stab you in the face with a screwdriver. Chocolate milk is the shit. It's also good for mixing drinks with. Ever tried Captain Morgan Spiced Rum and chocolate milk? It's fucking delicious and will get you all fucked-up. Yes, chocolate milk is truly some of the best stuff on the planet. What's even better is when you buy chocolate milk and can actually fucking open it. That's not the case if you buy chocolate milk from that piece of shit comapany "Shamrock Farms." This genius company decided to fucking superglue their safety seals onto all of their damn bottles. I'm not kidding when I say removing that tiny little safety seal takes fucking forever and seriously requires a knife or a hand grenade. It looks so easy to remove, right? Just pull the handy-dandy tab and you're good to go, right? Wrong, motherfucker! You pull on it and nothing happens. They seriously must use superglue to put these seals on. Maybe they just assume that only little kids drink this shit so they superglue the seals on just to fuck with them? In which case that would actually be hilarious and Shamrock Farms would be the coolest company ever because I fucking hate little kids and one of those shit, piss, and booger machines tried to steal my dog last month.
Drink up... eventually.
Looks so easy to open, right? Think again.
Surgical tools might help open this shit.
You might want some surgical tools.
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