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Jeff Dunham Show
While some people may not consider a television
show to be a "product," I consider
it one for the mere fact it's something
that somebody is trying to sell to us. In
this instance, it's Comedy Central that's
trying to sell us on Jeff Dunham actually
being funny enough to warrant his own show.
Therefore, in some sense, a television show
does technically fall into the category
of "product." For example, "hi,
we're Comedy Central. Please buy into our
Jeff Dunham product so we can make money
off of the advertisements we sell during
his show, not to mention his DVD sales when
they hit the market." That's assuming
the show lasts long enough to even be released
on DVD, mind you. If this turd-tanker of
a show makes it to season two I'll be amazed.
Actually, I probably won't since three out
of four people in this world are fucking
retarded, and it's these same retards think
who Jeff Dunham is funny.
For those of you who don't know who this
fucknugget is (consider yourself lucky),
he's a "comedian" whose entire
act revolves around ventriloquism. If you
ask me, which you should because I'm smart
and my opinions are awesome, ventriloquism
isn't funny, never has been, and never will
be. If you think about it, ventriloquism
is nothing more than setting yourself up
for your own joke, which is the lamest of
the lame. I mean, really, if you need a
way to set yourself up for a joke, why not
just involve another living person in your
act? Having a conversation with a puppet
on your hand just to set yourself up for
a laugh is flat-out stupid and cheap. At
this point I should add that almost anybody
should be capable of squeeking out a laugh
when the jokes are already set up for them,
yet Jeff Dunham fails at even that. The
guy sets himself up for a joke, yet his
"jokes" are so fucking lame and
contrived how anyone could so much as crack
a smile at one of them is beyond me. Even
with the perfect set up, Jeff Dunham can't
figure out how to be funny. Jesus Christ,
Jeff Dunham is easily one of, if not the
most unfunny comedians of all time. I don't
even like to use the word comedian in the
same sentence as Jeff Dunham as I feel it's
an insult to the word. "Comedian"
implies "comedy," which is something
Jeff Dunham clearly knows nothing about.
As stated earlier, ventriloquism just isn't
funny. It's especially not funny when it's
Jeff Dunham attempting it. We can see your
mouth moving, asshole. You're not fooling
anybody. Hell, not only is the guy completely
unfunny, he's not even a good ventriloquist.
And while I'm being completely honest, ventriloquism
is rather creepy and anybody who devotes
their life to the craft might be storing
dead bodies in their crawlspace.
So how did this fuckbox get his own show?
Jeff Dunham's meteoric rise to fame is primarily
due to women who, as people who understand
good comedy know, have an incredibly shitty
sense of humor. Norm McDonald, perhaps one
of the funniest men to ever live, took a
few jabs at the female take on comedy in
a 2009 appearance on The Howard Stern
. Norm, along with Howard and crew,
discussed how most women have an absolutely
terrible sense of humor. Click
to check out the clip on YouTube
if it hasn't been removed due to copyright
infringement by now. Anyhow, it's true that
a large percentage of the female population
wouldn't recognize good comedy if it were
raping them in broad daylight. These same
women actually find a guy who talks to a
puppet on his hand to be hilarious.
Knowing that I'm a huge fan of stand-up
comedy, many of my female friends used to
ask me if I'd ever heard of Jeff Dunham
and would go on to insist that I'd love
him because he's "a riot." I heard
this so often that I eventually just YouTubed
the guy to see if he was in fact as funny
as these chicks were swearing he was. I
was shocked and utterly appalled at how
cringeworthingly unfunny the guy was, yet
almost everyone I knew with a vagina was
singing his praises. Every goofy broad I
met seemed to absolutely love Jeff Dunham
and his arsenal of stupid fucking puppets.
Yes, thanks to chicks, and chicks dragging
their boyfriends to see his talentless show,
Jeff's audience eventually grew to the point
where he was offered his own worthless excuse
for a television show on Comedy Central.
Proving my point, 42 of my Facebook friends
currently like Jeff Dunham and 30 of them
are females. The other 12 are dudes who
clearly have a crappy sense of humor which
is probably why I rarely socialize with
I have to admit, Comedy Central's taken
a real shit on themselves over the last
couple of years. First they gave that hack
Carlos Mencia a show, then they cancel Reno
911 (which wasn't the best show ever
produced, but it had its moments and was
a whole lot funnier than most of the other
shows they air), then they proceed to air
new shows like Secret Girlfriend
that royally fucking suck, and now they've
introduced The Jeff Dunham Show.
Pretty much the only thing Comedy Central
has going for them now is The Daily
Show, The Colbert Report,
a rapidly declining South Park,
and old reruns of Futurama.
Out of morbid curiosity I suffered through
the entire first episode of The Jeff
Dunham Show. As expected, it was a
fucking catastrophe. Not only did I fail
to laugh once, I didn't even crack a smile.
I sat there mesmerized, focusing my hate
on this completely talentless dipshit who,
thanks to a few million halfwits who find
talking to a puppet funny, somehow managed
to finagle himself into his very own show.
The focus of the show? Jeff takes his unfunny
self out in public with his unfunny puppets
and, well... nothing funny happens. He brings
them out in public, interacts with people,
and the results are filmed and subsequently
compiled into a television show that's painful
to watch. I should mention that his puppets
aren't even funny to look at and are nothing
more than clichés anyhow, some of
which border on racist. For example, a dead
terrorist who constantly talks about killing
things and has the catch phrase, "I
keel you," a grumpy old man who hates
everything, a black guy who speaks like
an uneducated buffoon, a Mexican (poorly
named "Jalapeno") who also speaks
like an imbeclile, and so on. None of it
is witty or clever. If I ever had the misfortune
to find myself among the audience of a Jeff
Dunham show, I wouldn't even boo the guy.
I'd just sit there and stare at him with
a blank look on my face. A look of, "what
the fuck is this?"
I hate Jeff Dunham so much it's probably
not healthy. That oversized fuckhole is
one of the least funny people on the planet
and I'd give anything to punch him in the
throat, preferably with a hammer. He should
be sealed in a toxic waste barrel and thrown
to the bottom of the ocean along with anybody
who actually thinks he's talented. The next
time somebody asks me why I'm rooting for
an asteroid to wipe out humanity, I'm going
to reply, "because Jeff Dunham exists,
along with people who think he's funny."
Jeff Dunham should be working at a fucking
drive-thru. I hate him so much it physically
hurts. I pray it rains AIDS and he walks
outside and opens his fucking mouth.
a reason Bryci's so popular. That reason
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